At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
