nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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