so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
