Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
