I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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