I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
