ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
