so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
