There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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