I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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