just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
