the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
