The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
