dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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