i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
