Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I party with great urgency now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
