so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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