Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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