She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
