He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
