Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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