my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
