We're like a lot better than the average bears
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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