mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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