So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just forgot I was standing up.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
