I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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