can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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