i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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