this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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