We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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