I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
