those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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