Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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