In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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