drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
These tits shall not be calmed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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