I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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