My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
