I didn't shave. On purpose
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
