I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
