well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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