There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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