My friends, they love my intelligence
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
