Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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