nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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