You're so nebulous sometimes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
