u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Welp...herpes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
