I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
