Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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