filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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