Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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