I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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