Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
