What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
