i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
