for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
