Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
