I must be too annoying 4 u.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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