I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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