The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
