fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
