I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
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Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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