Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF