Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
