Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
