May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Are we still banned from the library?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
