The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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