Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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