I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
