I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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