doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
