I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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